Enabling has been a theme at the forefront of my life lately, and I’ve been catching myself in it left right and center. I’ve come to realize that it’s not a form of loyalty, and it’s certainly not a healthy way to love someone, either. But it used to feel far too comfortable for me; that is — until it didn’t.
To know what real love is, we must first identify what it isn’t. I’ve been in love, and I’ve been in love. I believe there are many different types of love — love that gets you through, love that hurts, love that teaches you valuable lessons, love that instills the same experiences again (because you didn’t learn from the first time). And then there’s love that lasts.
According to psychiatrist and co-author of the book On Grief and Grieving, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross posits that there are five stages of grief that patients go through when diagnosed with a terminal illness. These infamous stages were later adopted by the masses and applied toward the grieving process in general, illnesses aside.
But many people find these steps to be restrictive and not encompassing of the full grieving spectrum.
Note: while I’m focusing on signs of a codependent friendship in this article, the same information can pertain to any type of relationship. Not too long ago, I started assessing my friendships and noticed that some people in my life benefited heavily from my support, engagement, and care.
Lately, I’ve been pondering the meaning of life. I know, I know — way to go deep straight from the get-go. But there are seasons in life where anything short of hitting that blistering inner core is far too shallow, and I’m currently in one of them. So I’m going to be honest with you from the beginning — I’m aiming for the heavy feelings, the late night thoughts, the too intense.
I lost my dad suddenly just over a month ago, and while I’m sure my list will look different as the time passes, here are some insights I’ve managed to collect to date. While I don’t wish on anyone the experience of losing a loved one way too soon, I do know that it’s a part of being human and that more people go through it than I realize.
While I don’t support affairs, nor am I confident that I’d have the ability to even get past one, I do on some vital level seek to understand the workings behind them. And apparently, there’s a lot more to cheating than what I was aware of. So I argue that we need to talk about about infidelity, whether we’re currently in a relationship or not, and whether we’ve experienced it (yet) or not.
The ABCs of Dealing With Difficult People
A three-pronged approach.
“From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead. —Anaïs Nin
When I run into difficult people, I keep running. It sounds cliché, but it’s true: the people I keep close are a facet of my self care, and my life is too important to waste time unnecessaril...
One of the things that I’ve had to change within my own relationships is that I can no longer be the one with all the answers. No matter how much I care, or how educated I am on the matter, I’m finished with being the person sought out by others during their time of crisis.
So you broke up a long time ago but every time you touch the wound it feels as though it’s fresh and raw. You can’t stand to think of it because it feels like you’re getting your heart broken all over again each time. Yet you can’t seem to rinse it out of your mind, either.